My 12th Anniversary Message To You

I just celebrated my 12th anniversary this weekend. 

It was a muted affair because of the pandemic but it was no less sweet.

We slept in until 9am.

I went to Zoom Sunday school with my daughter and we collaborated on an art project.

We went back upstairs for breakfast in bed made by the kids (fruit salad, toast and La Croix).

We opened cards and gave Mom the gifts I bought for her…at Dollar Tree. 

This is exactly how I proposed to my wife in 2008 – mixing an engagement ring in with a bunch of silly $.99 items – and given that I couldn’t make a nice dinner reservation or buy her jewelry or a dress (I like to shop in person), it felt like the right thing to do.

My wife received: sparkly gold nail polish, Junior Mints, a lime green fuzzy chamois, an ice pack for picnic baskets, a weird looking Christmas ornament that looks like a Santa made out of a tennis ball, a squeezable plush chocolate bar, and a 5-pack of Ramen noodles.

I received two cards that made me laugh.

The rest of the day was cozy: we ate Ramen noodles, played board games and watched a movie with popcorn and M&Ms huddled under a blanket, before having leftover pizza for dinner and reading a chapter book to the kids. 

When the kids went to bed, we did what couples do in our own bed.  ☺

And THAT was my 12th anniversary. 

Whether you’d like a day like this or not is a separate issue; my wife and I LOVED it.

Our bond has never been stronger.

Our bond has never been stronger.

We really enjoy each other’s company. 

We don’t have much to fight about. 

We’re effortlessly comfortable.

We live off of inside jokes and 80’s pop culture references.

We actually LIKE being quarantined together. 

We have exactly what I feel you should have – an EASY (not boring!) relationship.

You’ve heard me say plenty about how you’ve put up with challenging relationships with difficult men for too long and accepted them as normal. 

You’ve heard me tell you to reconsider how you choose a partner and base it more on a feeling of comfort and trust than on height, education and income.

You know how tiring it is to be in a relationship where a guy thinks he’s the sun and you’re just a planet revolving around him and his needs.

You know how exhausting it is to be in a relationship where you’re consistently insulted and often feel gaslighted. 

You know how devastating it is to your self-esteem when you feel like you should be able to trust him to do the right thing, but he keeps on screwing up. 

You know that your desire to give him a second chance only means you’ll continue to suffer, because he’ll never live up to his potential and be the man you need him to be.

You know that he may not be inherently evil, but he’s simply incapable of giving you the consistent love, support, and compassion you need.

If you know you’re yearning for someone stable and kind who puts you first – instead of wasting more time on a toxic narcissist – you know what you have to do:


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