It’s Time For A Change

When I started doing this in 2003, there were no other dating coaches.

There was no texting. There was no iPhone. There was no Facebook. There was no Tinder. There was no Instagram. There were no dick pics. It was a simpler time.

By 2006, I had written two books, been featured in dozens of media outlets, had a successful online dating profile writing business, and was evolving from my online dating roots to dating and relationship coaching.

When I started this blog in 2007, it was called Advice From a Single Dating Expert. Tagline: “Because who knows more about being single than a guy who’s still single?” Blogging was recommended to me by colleagues as a way of increasing site traffic. To me, it felt like a step backward. I’m finally a paid writer and now I’m going to give away my precious words for FREE?!

Little did I know that this blog would be the centerpiece of my site and responsible for a far greater impact than my first two books and fleeting media appearances.

Since that date, when I was 35, I have gotten married, had two children, bought a house, wrote two more books (Why He Disappeared and Believe in Love), created Love U, and focused my energies on helping smart, strong, successful women who have everything but the guy find lasting love.

I came to Los Angeles when I was 24 to follow my dream of being a sitcom writer. Now that I’m almost 48, I couldn’t be more thrilled that I failed at my Plan A and created something out of my passion for writing, dating, and human connection.

Some numbers:

Between posting an answer to a reader question every Monday and linking to a relevant article every Thursday for the past 14 years, I have written over 1400 blog posts.

By allowing readers to express their feelings on the original post (without insulting other posters or asking their own questions), I have approved nearly 140,000 comments.

Finally, since 2015, over 30 MILLION readers from 239 countries have come to this blog when searching for answers to their most pressing dating and relationship questions.

I am not saying this to brag. I’m saying it because it’s hard to say goodbye to something that I’ve done with such regularity and pleasure for so long.

But, just as Facebook and Tinder and texting has changed the landscape of dating, the landscape for dating coaches has also changed.

I’m no longer the only dating coach, much less the only male dating coach for smart, strong, successful women. The truth is: there is zero barrier to entry for doing my job. Set up a website, call yourself a dating coach, and voila – you’re a dating coach.

I have had at least five clients take Love U and, upon graduating, declare that they, too, were going to quit their jobs to become dating coaches: Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful Asian women. Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful Irish women. Dating coaches for smart, strong successful women in STEM fields. Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful women in their 50’s. I don’t begrudge anyone his/her right to hang out a shingle. The Internet is a big place and as long as you’re helping someone make better choices in love, the world is better off with you in it.

But that does mean that, as a grandfather of this very 21st-century industry, I have to pivot. While I’ve been blogging twice a week to a diminishing number of readers (thanks, Google!) in an increasingly crowded space, others have utilized technology and social media to great effect. Younger, cuter guys who don’t have twelve-year-happy marriages, thousands of success stories, or a fraction of my real-life experience nonetheless have massive YouTube followings, Twitter followings, and Instagram followings, God bless ’em.

I feel like Hillary Clinton – hardworking, consistent, and overqualified – and I’m not ready to quietly let the Barack Obamas pass me by without a fight.

This is why I’m writing: to let you know that I’m doubling down on my commitment to help smart women like you create happy marriages.

I’m redoing The new site should be up by late fall. It will be cleaner, faster on mobile, easier to navigate and will feature two things, front and center: Love U and a bottomless well of success stories from women who took my signature course and found amazing men and marriages.

In addition, I’m redoing the way I offer information. That’s where the blog comes in. No more Monday reader questions. No more Thursday blog links. I’m offering just as much free dating advice as before, but I’m doing it with YouTube videos and Love U Podcasts.

Videos will come out on Tuesdays. Podcasts will come out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with Thursdays being longer and more discursive. Emails will go out with links to these blogs/videos/podcasts every Tuesday and Thursday. Finally, these videos and podcasts will be distributed widely on social media, a place that I’ve generally stayed away from but am choosing to belatedly embrace.

My old way of doing things was no longer effective

If anything, what I hope you know about me is that there’s no difference between public EMK and private EMK. My north star is the truth. Not what’s “right or wrong,” but rather, what’s “effective or ineffective.” My old way of doing things was no longer effective; I had to change. It’s taken me about three or four years to fully come to terms with this but that’s how change works. Slowly, then suddenly. Adapt or die.

I’m choosing to adapt – to walk the walk of personal growth and responsibility that I so often preach on this blog. It’s not up to the Internet to accommodate a middle-aged blogger; it’s up to the middle-aged blogger to keep up with the Internet and reach readers where you’re at – on YouTube and Apple Podcasts – and hopefully inspire you to change YOUR way of selecting men.

Thank you for listening and for believing in my core messages: confidence, abundance, trust, joy, and optimism – as opposed to insecurity, scarcity, fear, negativity, and pessimism. I’m evangelical about the virtues of a happy, easy marriage and by the time you’re done with Love U, I trust you will be, too.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


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