You’ve just started seeing a guy and you’re a little nervous. He seems interested, but you know full well that guys often show interest at the beginning and then do the slow fade. Ghosting. Breadcrumbing. Random texting. Next thing you know, you feel like you’re being strung along. And as long as you hear from them occasionally, it’s hard to break free.
Today, I’m going to share with you a few signs that he’s into you, he genuinely likes you, and that you can trust he wants to move the relationship forward.
First of all, let’s establish that just because a guy texts you does not mean he’s really interested in you. I know it seems baffling because you would never text a guy that you’re not interested in, but men do it all the time.
Because they’re bored. Because they’re lazy. Because they’re too busy to talk. Because they’re confused and ambivalent. Because they have too many options. Because, because, because…
The fact is, it doesn’t matter if a guy texts you occasionally. Texting is fine, but it’s the least intimate and least important form of communication. So, don’t give some guy a free pass because he pings you from time to time. Instead, pay attention to the following signs a guy likes you.
1. He makes plans for the next date, on the date.
I’m not saying it’s imperative for a guy to do this, but if a guy is so into you that he locks down another date before the night’s even over, it’s a pretty clear indication he’s sincerely interested. As I teach in Love U, it’s not what happens on the date, it’s what happens AFTER the date that tells the real story of whether he’s interested.
2. He compliments you frequently.
Maybe he’s talking about how sexy you are. Maybe he’s talking about how funny you are. Maybe you say saying he hasn’t met anybody like you in a really long time. But when a guy can’t stop saying his inner thoughts out loud, it’s certainly positive. Genuine compliments don’t guarantee that a man wants to be in a relationship with you, but they do suggest that he’s excited about you, which is usually a good place to start.
3. He brings you around other guys.
A lot of men compartmentalize their love lives from the rest of their lives. You’ll see him on Friday nights at his place. He’ll take you out to a dinner or a Sunday hike. But if you’ve been seeing him for months and you still haven’t met his friend group, something is off. A man who introduces you to his friends is letting you know a few things. He is proud of you. He wants to show you off. He sees you fitting into his life. He wants you around even when he’s doing guy things. Those are some pretty obvious signs he likes you.
4. He calls you.
I know it’s a relic from the 80s and the 90s, but that’s sort of the point. If a guy actually takes the time to talk to you on the phone, it means he wants to speak to you. He wants to connect with you. He enjoys your company platonically. It means he’s not just sitting in front of his TV, eating dinner, texting five other women at the same time.
Phone calls were once as disposable as texts. But now, a phone call, a Zoom call, or FaceTime is almost like a mini-date. Not many guys use the phone as it was originally intended, but trust me, a good old-fashioned phone call is a good sign a guy likes you.
5. He cares about making you feel comfortable.
You’ve been around guys who were insensitive to your needs and feelings. Men who are so narcissistic that it never even occurs to them that your opinions matter, too. Well, consider it a good sign when your man makes an effort to ensure you feel connected. He maintains eye contact when you’re speaking. He doesn’t look at other girls when you’re around. He’ll let you know that his awkward silence doesn’t have to do with you.
He notices if you’re starting to feel uncomfortable and immediately addresses the situation. You can’t always tell if a guy is going to be “the one,” but you have a much better chance when he prioritizes your feelings.
6. He asks you out.
It may sound silly, but I can’t tell you how many women I’ve coached throughout the years who are convinced that a man was interested, even though he didn’t ask you out. Maybe he flirted with you. Maybe he texted you. Maybe you even went out before. But if a guy isn’t actively making plans with you to see you quickly, he’s not that interested.
7. He acts like he’s attracted to you.
This one is tricky because just because a guy finds you attractive doesn’t mean he “likes you.” Many women have fallen for guys who came on strong with eye contact, body language, and aggressive sexual behavior and taken it as a great sign that he wants a relationship. Plenty of guys pursue sex with no interest in love so we don’t overestimate the value of attraction. On the other hand, if a man does not demonstrate his interest physically – if he does not try to kiss you, sleep with you or otherwise show affection, he probably sees you as just a friend.
8. He’s in touch with you every day.
Ambivalent guys, avoidant guys, on the fence guys, they wait a few days between contact either to let you know not to get too attached to them or because they’re genuinely not even thinking about you. Guys who are thinking about you every single day will generally let you know that they are thinking of you because they want to be in touch.
It doesn’t have to be flowers. It could be little things: an emoji, a call before you go to sleep, or any other sweet gesture. These are behaviors of men who make for the best boyfriends.
9. He talks about your future.
That doesn’t mean he’s mentioning marriage on date one. But it does mean he’s doing a lot of “when can we see each other again?” or he’s excited about when you meet his friends or family, or he openly muses about when you can take a trip together, or when he could bring you to a friend’s wedding. That means he doesn’t just see you merely as Ms. Right Now, but he’s thinking of future plans.
10. He posts about you on social media.
You’ve been with men who keep you a secret. When you ask them why they don’t post about you, they start acting weird, deflecting and saying that they just don’t do that. This is why it feels good to see him sharing photos of you with his whole network. It’s a validation that he feels the same way that you do, that he isn’t shy about sharing his feelings with his other friends, and that he genuinely likes you and sees you as a love interest.
Most men don’t post on social when they’re doing casual; the consequences are too great. But if you see your face on his Instagram, it’s a clear example of what a potential boyfriend should be doing.
11. He wants to know if you’re seeing anybody else.
Not because he’s jealous or controlling, but because he really likes you and wants to know whether he’s in the running to become your boyfriend. When a guy is genuinely interested, he’s the one who’s pushing the relationship forward. You don’t have to. That’s the beauty of when a guy is really excited about you.
No need to have an awkward conversation about exclusivity. No looking for subtle signs he likes you. A man with long-term potential escalates things and offers to take down his profile to be with you.
12. He wants to spend time with you platonically.
You know what it’s like to hook up with random guys. You’ve been a booty call before, although that wasn’t your intention. You’ve gotten the late-night texts when you first started dating: “R U Up?” “What are you wearing now?” “Wanna come over?” “Send pix.”
It’s easy to mistake this sexual banter as a sign a guy likes you and is genuinely interested. But the truth is that a healthy relationship involves being best friends, spending quality time together, and developing true feelings over time. Sure, it’s fun when a guy likes you and wants to have sex, but men who have boyfriend potential act differently. Through consistent effort, he shows you how he feels about you.
13. He has listening skills and pays attention to what you have to say.
As you’ve noticed, there are a lot of men who don’t ask questions when you’re going out with them. Part of this is nervousness – his way of showing interest is bragging how great he is so he can convince you to give him a chance. Part of this is cluelessness – he has no idea he’s dominating the conversation. But another part of this is that many guys don’t actually care about what you think. They want you to smile and nod and look pretty.
But a quality man will demonstrate his interest by paying attention to your stories. He will listen intently, ask questions, pick up on small details and store them away for future plans.
14. He remembers details about you and does something about them.
You’ve had guys make direct eye contact and lie to you about all the things you’re going to do together. Such men are huge disappointments and they can make you lose faith in the good guys. But every once in a while, you’ll have an experience with a man who reminds you what it’s like to be fully seen.
He’ll remember your favorite candy. He’ll recall where your friends went to college. He’ll mention the story you told him about your ex-boyfriend. There is no more obvious sign that a guy is into you than the fact that he cares enough about you to go the extra mile. One day, you note a gorgeous necklace in a jewelry store window. Six months later, he gets you the necklace because you mentioned it once.
15. He treats you the way he treats his friends and family.
Sure, it’s fun to date during those first few weeks when you’re obsessed with each other. But him being attracted to you is different than him actually LIKING you. And if you want a sign that a guy likes you, pay attention to how loose he acts around you. Does he engage in playful teasing? Does he laugh easily in your presence? Is he as comfortable around you as he’d be around his best friend? It doesn’t take a relationship coach to point out that marriage is the single most important relationship you’ll ever have, and if it’s going to thrive, one of the classic signals of success is his ability to let down his guard and be himself around you.
This is just a partial list of signs a guy likes you. It’s not a literal checklist. He doesn’t have to do all of them – especially not so early in your relationship. But do take notice of how you feel in his presence, how much effort he makes for you, and whether you feel you can be yourself around him. Because it’s not just about finding a guy who likes you; it’s about finding a guy who makes you want to act all these ways with him.